


Touch

by QueenoftheHobbits



Series: Soft Thighs Series [93]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, overweight reader, plus size reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-02 07:34:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10212644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheHobbits/pseuds/QueenoftheHobbits
Summary: Touch isn’t something you get comfortable with easily...





	

It’s all a matter of miscommunication. Really it is. The fact that Bucky is avoiding you isn’t down to anything but the two of you failing to talk as people, as friends, as interested parties. He’s quiet and still learning how to socialise with people on a personal level, still scared of upsetting people. You’re insecure and don’t always see how your behaviour might impact others without an explanation of it. 

The fact is it’s not you and it’s not him that’s the problem, the problem is that you both failed to talk about the issue and made assumptions which has led to a massive ball of confusion. 

You don’t like being touched, not unless you’re extremely comfortable and close with the person in question, even a pat on the shoulders makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It isn’t their fault, it isn’t Bucky’s fault. You don’t like being touched because you’re self-conscious and because you’re uncomfortable with your body, worried about people thinking bad of it when they touch you. It isn’t anyone in particulars fault and you wish that you could be more comfortable with touch, but you just aren’t...

It isn’t Bucky’s fault that you shy away from his touches; his hugs, his arms over shoulders, his hand on your knee. You want to be comfortable with it. You do. You want to feel okay with it and trust Bucky to not be like your fears say he will...but you can’t get over that natural instinct to shy away and remove yourself from that sort of contact. It’s not something that’ll change overnight.

You don’t realise that your fears, your shying away caused by your fear of critique of your weight and of your body comes across entirely differently to Bucky. To Bucky his mind immediately goes to fear. It isn’t a thought that maybe you’re just not comfortable with anyone doing that, it’s the thought that maybe you’re scared of him, of what he’s done, of who he is...and it terrifies and saddens him because you’re one of the few people he wants to get close to, to talk to, and he can’t stand the idea of you being scared of him.

It’s easier for him to simply avoid you rather than be around you and constantly aware that you’re scared. It keeps him up at night, wondering why. 

You’re not one for confrontation, it terrifies you. But when Bucky stops talking to you and walks out of every room you enter it becomes very hard not to confront him about it. 

It’s one of those morning where you dragged yourself out of bed, not expecting to do anything, but being in a rather horrible mood. Your mood was mostly because of Bucky. There was a heavy weight on your mind at his avoidance.

You had been eating your breakfast when he walked in, and as per usual when he saw you he quickly turned on his heel. Except this time you were done and fed up with it and you weren’t prepared to let him just walk away from you.

“Bucky!” He still keeps walking away, but you don’t just stop like normal, you follow after him, moving at a fast walk. “Stop! Just talk to me!” You’re not sure what makes him stop in the end, maybe it’s the cracking of your voice as you call after him, maybe he’s finally ready to talk...but he stops.

“Why are you avoiding me?” You’re scared about what his answer might be, but you’re done with the avoiding and the feeling like he hates you. You’re done with questioning it late at night and struggling to fall asleep.

You watch his shoulders tense, hear the sigh that leaves him and the resolve that fills him before he turns around to face you. He looks so tired. He looks just how you feel. “You’re scared of me.”

“...What?” You don’t understand. You’re not scared of him, if anything Bucky is one of those people you failed to be scared of, he made you feel comfortable prior to the whole avoiding you think that is. “What makes you think i’m scared of you?”

“You...you shy away when I...when I touch you.” He’s uncomfortable telling you this clearly. But it suddenly makes a ridiculous amount of sense, your unease with touch came across as something else entirely and you feel absolutely horrid for it because you never meant to make him feel like you were scared of him. Bucky had so many people scared of him and he didn’t need another one.

“I’m not scared of you, Buck...I just...I don’t like being touched...” You want to get over that for him. You do, but maybe explaining it is easier. Maybe if he understands he won’t avoid you anymore.

“Why?”

“I get worried and self-conscious about my body and I...I guess i’m always waiting for the other person to laugh at me.” It’s a little scary how easy it is to spill your soul to him, maybe it’s because you know he struggles too, that he has his own problems...

“I’d never laugh at you.”

“I’d never be scared of you.”


End file.
